On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my poor anus
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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