I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
