I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
