that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
