sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
