I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Fuck appropriateness.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
