I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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