In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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