smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
