after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
