forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
