You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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