I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
