A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
