I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
