I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
