I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
