Four minutes until I can fart!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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