Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
