do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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