What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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