Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
