its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
