making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
