Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
