I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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