It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
