i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
