everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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