Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
