White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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