I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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