Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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