im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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