Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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