You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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