My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
