i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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