I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
