Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
