So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
