I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
