Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
