I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
