Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
