I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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