I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
