I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
high people should be assigned attendants
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
