Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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