I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
