Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
