Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
