Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
