you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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