Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
