At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
