I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
