What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
