Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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