just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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